Midlife sometimes seems like being stuck in a car on an endless straight road without exit ramps. You’re responsible, doing everything you’re “supposed” to do, taking care of family, working a stable job, paying the bills, but you don’t feel like there’s much of a life going on inside. It’s almost as if you are locked into a routine pattern, which has become as concrete as the road you are traveling on. For me, this rut hit hard in my late 30s and early 40s, and if you’re feeling the same, let me tell you: you’re not alone.
I was numb for years, in a kind of autopilot. Every day was the same; I was just going through the motions without being there. I had put on over 200 pounds and felt like I was carrying around my routine and the rut in my body. I didn’t even recognize myself—not just in the mirror, but in every other way. I was merely surviving, not living. But deep down, something inside me wanted to change; I just didn’t know how or where to start.
Then, one day, I looked in the mirror and thought, Who is this woman? And, more importantly, How did I get here? I was not setting a good example for my son; I was tired, uninspired, and had lost that part of myself that I knew I could be. It was a wake-up call. That’s when I thought I needed to find inspiration again and start getting out of this rut one step at a time. So, I started on a journey of rediscovery and reinvention.
One of the biggest hurdles I faced was realizing I had stopped learning. My brain, which had been so hungry for knowledge and ideas, had shut down. So, I started small. I read books, listened to podcasts, watched videos, and signed up for online courses. I finally understood that there was a vast world out there—a world of things to learn, see, and do—and it was up to me to be a part of it.
Learning is one of the best ways to shake up the stale routines responsible for the rut. When you start reading or learning about new topics, you unlock new ideas, perspectives, and dreams you hadn’t even thought about. It could be a book on personal development, a health podcast, or a photography course; whenever you engage your mind with new information, you feel alive. Attempt it, read that book, listen to that podcast, or do that course.
This summer in 2022, I knew it was time to regain my health. I had gained weight because of medications for depression and anxiety and, quite frankly, because I was lazy. But the problem was, I was letting the weight keep me from living the life I wanted. So, I decided to go to the doctor and got Wegovy. I lost 45 pounds. But when my insurance changed, and it was no longer covered, I knew I had to make some changes that were not just through medication.
I began walking three days a week and did intermittent fasting. I made sure to have lean proteins, vegetables, and fruits in my diet, stopped drinking soda, and started drinking water. By spring, I was down 65 pounds. I joined a gym, increased my walking, began strength training, and even signed up for personal training sessions. Now, it is something that I take care of every day, including my health. Although it took some time to make these changes, every little step was a step out of the rut and into the life I wanted to lead.
When I started losing weight, I became more interested in my appearance. I bought new clothes, got a haircut, and started a solid skincare regimen. By June, I was almost down 80 pounds, and I could tell my self-esteem was increasing with each change. I had been living in auto-pilot mode for so many years that I had let myself go, but I didn’t even realize it. It was great to get back to self-care and feel like I was taking control of my life and doing something significant to me.
You are not defined by your appearance but know that how you treat yourself makes a difference in how you feel. It might be a case of starting a skincare regimen, changing your wardrobe, or simply taking the time to do something for yourself each day; it is always a good time to regain your connection with self-care. It’s like telling yourself, “Hey, you’re worth it!” And that’s a message we all need to hear – especially in midlife.
One of the most fun things about coming out of my rut was booking a trip to Charleston, SC with my son. I had something to look forward to! And let me tell you, it was the time of my life. We laughed, explored, and created memories I will cherish forever. It also made me realize that I wanted to travel more and could even travel solo if I wanted to.
Adventure doesn’t have to be some exotic vacation. It could be as basic as going to a new restaurant, signing up for a dance class, or trying out a new hiking trail when looking for something new. It is providing yourself with new experiences that add a bit of thrill and the unexpected to life—two things often lacking in a rut. So go ahead, book that trip, take that class, or sign up for a hobby you have always wanted to try.
I also realized that the only way I could stop myself from getting into the rut was by constantly changing. It is not about becoming a completely new person but about discovering who you have become while you are busy living life. This meant returning to my passion for learning and growth, which I had neglected for the past few years. By investing in my own development, I began to see my life as full of potential and not just full of responsibilities.
Change can be scary when you are in a rut, but it is the only way out. It is not a one-time event; it is a process. Discover what you love, devote your time, and let it be your source of change. It could be learning a skill, starting a business, or doing anything you used to love as long as it makes you happy. When you feel like you’re in a rut, cultivate gratitude and mindfulness.
Another significant shift for me was understanding the value of gratitude. I had been hostile and focused on the things I didn’t have or hadn’t done for so long that I was stuck because I couldn’t see the positives in my life. But gratitude helped me see all the little things that were happening in my life. Every day, I began to practice gratitude for my progress and appreciate the changes I was making to improve my life.
The other significant change for me was realizing the power of gratitude. For so long, I had been negative and focused on the things I didn’t have or hadn’t done. I was stuck because I couldn’t see the good things in my life. But gratitude helped me see all the small joys around me. Each day, I began to practice gratitude for my progress and to appreciate the changes I was making in my life.
Getting out of a rut doesn’t happen overnight. I had to set some small, attainable goals that aligned with the person I wanted to become. Losing weight, changing careers, starting a blog—these were big ideas I had to break down into steps. I didn’t focus on the destination; I looked at each step.
If you are in a rut, try setting some small goals that interest you. Want to feel healthier? Start with a short walk. Do you want to know more? Set 15 minutes for reading or any online course. Want a career change? Look around or start a side project. These small actions are the building blocks toward a bigger transformation, and those consistent steps finally lead to your desired life.
Writing this for my blog on midlife awakening and reinvention makes me proud of how far I have come. I have lost over 100 pounds, am taking new adventures, and have rediscovered my passion for learning, which had been lacking for me. The woman you see before you is entirely different from the woman who once felt stuck and uninspired, and this is because I have worked hard on changing myself. And the best part about midlife is that you are never too old to wake up to new possibilities.
If you are feeling lost, remember this: Life is not about merely surviving. You should enthusiastically thrive, develop, and look forward to the future. Reinvention is a process of self-love and discovery for all of us. My story will help you understand that ruts are not inevitable. All it takes is a spark—an interest, a goal, a bit of self-care—and you’ll be on your way to living a life full of meaning and joy.
So here’s to your midlife journey. I hope you find inspiration, embrace change, and rediscover the incredible woman you have always been. Keep going—there is a fantastic life waiting for you just out of the rut; you just need to grab it.
Love, Jax
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